Un-American?

Way back when (in April) I decided to dedicate a post each month to the practicing these principles in all our affairs - I believe the plan was to "cutes-ily" post this on the 12th of the month. (Yes, it's a word). So, 2 months later, still not on the 12th, I thought I'd give it another go. So, July - 7th month; 7th principle is humility. I'm rather clueless on the concept.. But I recall vividly the moment that step 7 hit me in the heart (you know? new concepts for me start at the ears (even this is a miracle!), rattles around in my head for a bit then; sometimes quickly, mostly slowly, makes it's way to my heart). ANYWAY, I was sitting on this carved out tree stump in the back yard when it hit me - I'm just human! Mistakes and all - the good and the bad, as they say. This is a pretty big miracle of my life so far. It felt so freeing to have that amount of well, self-forgiveness, I guess. I've been spending some time lately doing things that 'regular' people do - taking a little super-saver weekend trip to Scottsdale; looking at homes to buy - after a little research it turns out we may be able to afford a wee home of our own; taking vacation days from work for some summer fun, that kind of stuff. Don't get me wrong - I loved every second of it!! We've been having such fun around here - in a different way than ever before - it's really quite REAL at the 'ol Hamlet these days..

However, I've been to noticing that I also spend a lot of time sort of daydreaming about what it would be like to have MORE - more money, more house, more time off, yadda, yadda, yadda... This is sort of the AMERICAN WAY - right? Get a job, get a little house, go on summer vacations each year. Maybe a couple of weekend trips just for fun - bbq with the family on the 4th of July.... WEll... This doesn't work for me. At all. The little daydreams turn into a blinders-on kind of focus on material things, which really doesn't work for me - I start to worry, then get jealous of people who have the things that I want (or deserve), then even worse, I start striving for them... Next thing I know, I'm manipulating situations, forming resentments, especially at work, where if they just paid me MORE, I'd be able to "make myself" happy. Having material goals is as normal as baseball and apple pie, and that's great for lots and lots of people. The thing is, I can't handle this kind of thinking.. These material things are not goals anymore. They perhaps can be considered means to the end, but for me, it's dangerous for them to be the end goal. The goal is to be useful to my higher power, in whatever way that looks like to my HP. WHAT?! Here's another really REALLY big miracle - I really want to live this way. Admittedly, I haven't had too much practice at it yet, and can get sucked into daydreams quicker that I can believe, but I want to be able to carry out God's will for me - even more than I want a vacation home in Aspen, or a work-from home 3 days a weeks job... I'm grateful today to know who I am, and (who I am not) and for my dear pals who gently guide me back when I start to get lost in "new-shoe land"... For now, I'm glad for the opportunity to stop and smell the.. well, weeds!